On Letting Go

Letting Go is an Act of Self-love.

When we can’t let go of the past, we can’t allow the beauty and wisdom of the present to shine through.

As I plan for this Saturday’s 1-day retreat, I reflect on the theme of self-love. However, what keeps echoing in my mind is a question recently posed to me: “How do you let go?”

Letting go is something we address during retreats and circles as we incorporate activities and rituals to practice releasing what no longer serves us: habits, situations, unhelpful thoughts, or belief systems. The wonderful thing about facilitating circles and mindfulness exploration is that I often get asked questions that lead me to my own meditations and reflections on themes. Here I find that the two themes—self-love and letting go— are connected. Letting go is an act of self-love.

Letting Go Means You Must Shed the Outer Skin

Rumi writes, “Life is a balance of holding on and letting go.” Yet, I feel that so much of letting go is cyclical. Picture a coil that spirals out into eternity. I am trying to embrace that cyclical nature of letting go, as cycles appear in all aspects of life. It feels frustrating at times, but one must remember that with each journey around the spiral we are not back at the starting point, but at a further evolutionary place on the coil.

Letting go means you are willing to blossom like the seed shedding its protective sleeve. Letting go means you know you must shed the outer skin, dull and lifeless like a snake's, to feel the tender new you ready to bask in some unknown sun. To stay in the old, too small skin becomes a pain you are no longer willing to bear.

Not all change or letting go feels good. In fact, it almost always comes with discomfort. The mind clings fast to what it knows, that old familiar pain. Yet, the watcher within you–that is all consciousness, all creativity, and the universe waiting to express itself more fully through you—knows you must let go and must follow the pain to its end. Let it, and you, rest for something new to appear.

Letting Go Isn’t So Much a Balance, but a Choice

Again and again, we must make a decision about what we want—happiness or being right, holding onto limiting beliefs or embracing positivity and another truth; do I stay with the devil I know or choose hope, choose more? Letting go isn’t so much a balance as Rumi suggests, but a choice.

We always have a choice with how we see and respond to loss or letting go. Can we appreciate the value or lesson? As I said to the circle member who asked the question regarding letting go, What a wonderful gift to realize that you want to let go, to open your eyes and heart. How responsible of you to be reborn, to refuse to unsee what it is you now know, and to move toward the light.

Letting go is not wrong or weak; it is bold and brave. What you are afraid of is already with you. It’s already causing you pain and is a drain on your energy. When we ignore or deny this fact, we dishonor ourselves. We lose confidence in ourselves. Do you want to stay stuck, or risk unfolding into something more beautiful—like the flower.

You serve no one, none, nothing, refusing to unfurl and reveal your truth and your beauty. There is more to this life than what you have been choosing. Eventually, you must be willing to let go, to turn yourself inside out like that snake skin...even when you know that letting go is never permanent. The snake's skin grows back. The radiant tulip rots and returns to the earth that gave it birth.

But there is growth, change; nothing is ever the same as it was. For this you must be willing.

Some Journal Prompts to Consider:

• What’s holding you back?
• Are there habits or people that deplete you?
• What are some thoughts that hurt you and weigh you down?
• Is there a drain on your energy, or something causing you pain?
• Do you have control over this and where?
• Is it temporary, and can you see the lesson or value in it for now?

I’d love to hear your thoughts on letting go? What have been the hardest things to let go? How did you do it? What happened next?

Want to come to the February 10th Women's Mindfulness Retreat?